Hope
Choronzon: I am Anti-Life, the Beast of Judgement. I am the Dark at the End of Everything. The End of Universes, Gods, Worlds...
...of Everything.
Sss. And what will you be then, Dreamlord?Dream: I am Hope.
-The Sandman, issue 4, 'A Hope in Hell'
written by Neil Gaiman
I've been thinking a lot about hope lately, how completely insubstantial yet singularly important it is to our lives. It is nothing and it is everything, intangible and priceless. It is the light that keeps us going when life seems black as pitch, the drive to go just a little further, and then a little further after that. It's what makes us try when giving up seems so much easier. It cannot be sold and it cannot be bought. It is strength at your weakest, it cannot be stolen if you are not willing to give it up and it can only be destroyed if you let it be.
To completely give up hope is to lose all you have and be dead inside already, beyond salvation; breathing, warm and heart beating but not alive and never to be again.
In the darkest place, at the edge of the deepest abyss, when you're teetering at the brink, eyes burning and cursing all of existence and convinced that death would be easier, there still is room for hope. You have only fallen when you give that up. When it cannot get better, when there is no salvation left, when the last gossamer thread that could have pulled you back from that place slips from your grasp and the only thing left to do is take that last step and say goodbye to it all, then and only then have you truly lost all hope.
I've never been to these places, never sunk to that depth. I've felt hopeless, and sometimes I still do. I've had dark times in my life, and I will have more. I am so lost and scared and confused sometimes and I feel like things will never make sense in a way I can grasp. But I have never truly lost all hope. I am convinced that to do so must be the most horrific experience that one can endure, worse than whatever brought you there.
I have never lost all hope. I hope I never do.
Jesus, Protect Me from Your Followers
or...why I, and others like me, have so much beef with so many Christians.
The folks on the right talk so often and loudly about Jesus, and claim him as their own. It's impossible these days in America to separate religion and politics. So lets talk about that guy that got nailed to a tree that the Republicans claim to love so much.
Two things to note, first of which is the obvious: I am not religious. I have a love for Buddhist and Taoist philosophy and writings but I would be lying if I called myself one. I was raised Lutheran, which is Catholicism with less bullshit and less Mary. I drifted away from that pretty young though. Too many questions that could not be answered, too much doubt, too much emptiness, too much hollow.
Second, I am basing all that follows on the belief that religion is not something you do for an hour a week. It’s not something you dabble in. Sitting in church doesn’t make you a Christian, just like sitting in a garage doesn’t make you a car. It is what you believe, to the core. The guiding principles of your life. Christianity is defined so differently by so many people, but when you strip away all of the bullshit, the ceremonial trappings and inter-sect squabbles, at the heart of it all the point is to follow Christ’s teachings and example as best you can. To try to be the light of peace that he was. All the rest is just trim.
And right there is my beef. So many (most?) on the Right just use their religion to justify how they already feel, to rationalize their prejudice and hate. And so Jesus becomes a reason to discriminate, to hate gays and Muslims, to wage war...to do all manner of things that he was blatantly against. I don’t like the Vatican much, but damn it was nice to see the pope call the Iraq war for what it was.
If you think Christ’s highest priorities, were he alive today, would be eradicating Muslims, stopping abortions, and keeping gays from getting married, you really need to evaluate your priorities. Maybe he would care about those things, maybe not. But I am damn sure that ethnic cleansing in third world countries, the thousands of innocents dying in Iraq, the destruction of the environment, the greed and avarice and sickening chasm between the haves and the have-nots all across the world would all be much bigger blips on his radar.
So why doesn’t the party who claims Jesus as their own, who brings up religion the most often and proclaims it the loudest, care more about those things? If you claim Christianity as your religion, why isn’t helping people, all people your priority; your highest priority, as it was for Jesus? I don’t see the most vocal Christians calling to help those who need. I see them calling for more suffering. More war. More weapons. More death. More torture. More oppression.
...why?
“Support” Our Troops
Apparently, the UFC is holding a benefit for the troops, called Fight For the Troops.
You're probably expecting me to make fun of this. Hell... even I am expecting me to make fun of this...but I won't, not really. I just want to bring up two things.
- First of all, after a $700B+ bailout of the banks and a $25B+ bailout of the auto industries pending, how is it not absolutely sickening that Spike and the UFC have to help raise funds to treat traumatic brain injuries sustained by our troops?
- Second...am I the only one who sees a certain amount of absurd, twisted irony in men beating each other in the head to raise money for a state-of-the-art brain trauma treatment center?
Event planner 1: "Man...a lot of troops are coming home with horrible injuries. A lot of them to the head and brain. That's tragic, and I wish we could do something about it."
Event planner 2: "I agree, it's a tragedy...but what can we do?"
Event planner 1: .................*PUNCH!*
Support Our Mercenaries
Today six Blackwater mercenaries security contractors have been taken in to federal custody and charged in the September 16, 2007 massacre of 17 civilians that left another 20 wounded.
Blackwater has been profiting from the war from the start thanks to the extensive Republican contacts made by founder Erik Prince, and this is far from the first (to put it mildly) questionable incident they have been involved in. All in all, from 2005 to September 2007 Blackwater was involved in 195 shootings. Do you know how many times the "enemy" shot first? Thirty-two. In 195 shootings, they fired first 162 times. Let's look back at some of their greatest "hits", as it were...
There was the time they crashed one of their armored SUVs into an Army Humvee, and then proceeded to disarm and detain the American soldiers. Oh, and those 3 guards for the state-sponsored Iraqi Media Network gunned down by a Blackwater sniper despite not having fired a shot, and the civilian shot in a separate incident in Baghdad for "driving too close" to a convoy.
And possibly their finest moment was the drunk murder of the Iraqi Vice President's security guard in 2006. On Christmas eve, no less. Festive, no? The company's must have felt the warmth of the season in his heart that December 25th. The joy of baby Jesus' birth, renewed hope for mankind, the senseless bloodshed of innocent men, women, and children that would be your only legacy. Ah, the holidays.
As sick as this all is, none of it really shocks me anymore. If it did, it would mean I am hopelessly naive. No, what sickens and boggles me most is the right wing fascists who are leaping to their defense. Now while I can't personally relate to the "ra ra ra, America fuck yeah, support our troops" mentality, I guess on some level I understand it. Personally, I support our troops who deserve it. But the ones who are over there stealing, raping, murdering...well, those guys deserve an IED enema. Fuck them. But to be outraged that people might be held accountable and taken to trial for war crimes, people who are not even soldiers? What the fuck? Didn't Bush run on a platform of accountability and responsibility? Why is it then that these people don't want to see anyone punished for their misdeeds? These people are the first to condemn any civilian that is arrested in this country (provided they aren't white and rich) and assume that they are guilty guilty guilty, and should be executed for that dime bag they were caught with. They are the first screaming for the blood of every Arab carted off to Gitmo, regardless of the evidence or lack there of.
So why? Why the support for Blackwater? When did war profiteering become a noble and honorable pursuit? Is it pure racist jingoism, the belief that anyone who is shooting brown people in Iraq is a good guy who loves freedom, yay freedom, no matter what uniform he is wearing, or if he even is wearing one? If they love freedom so much and wanted to give that precious gift to the Iraqi people, why then when Iraq say they want Blackwater out don't the neocons honor that? Why aren't they allowed to use their new-found "freedom" to prosecute the bastard foreigners who kill their people, especially given the bastards' own government is completely reluctant to?
For more on the full glorious story of Blackwater, check out "Iraq for Sale: The War Profiteers", a Robert Greenwald film. Part one, approximately ten minutes, is below.
Wasteland Dancin’
The world of Fallout 3 is richly detailed, superbly realized, and just all around awe-inspiring. It's also a world that is full of fantastic dancers. Maybe you have to be a fan of the game to really enjoy this, I don't know. I know I laughed way too hard at it though.
“…your last farewell ride.”
Spoilers ahead.
The Shield is dead, long live the Shield. I still don't know how I feel about how it all ended. There was a lot that was perfect, that happened exactly how it had to happen. Some things were...well, less than satisfying, even if they were somehow appropriate.
The bad...Ronnie. Christ, what the Hell. The groundwork for Ronnie's fate was very much laid out last week, and still I somehow hoped it wasn't going to end that way. After everything, seeing Vic throw him under the bus to suffer under the full weight of the Strike Team's collected sins was fucked up, possibly the worst thing he's ever done it its own way. Ronnie stuck by him, and after it all he still trusted him, and paid for it with his life, at least life as he knew it.
I think I was most bothered not by what happened to him, but how it was treated. Ronnie was hardly used and developed as a character for five seasons, but I always liked him. Then suddenly for the last two seasons, with Lem dead and Shane...Shane, he became far more prominent. And then suddenly, he was wrapped up and tossed away in one 90 second sequence. It was a heavy moment treated far too lightly in my opinion.
Shane's final exit was much darker than I expected. His suicide wasn't the shocking thing, that actually seemed right. But when they showed the bodies of his family, posed and peaceful as if asleep, that shocked and actually shocked me. I thought family meeting would be send the wife and kid/s on their way, stay behind and take the blame...anything but what it actually was.
And lastly, Vic Mackey. I really thought after all that happened he would have gone out in some sort of blaze of glory. Gunned down fighting, making a last stand of some sort. Although I guess losing the only two things he cared about besides himself, and winding up sentenced to his own mundane cubicle and paperwork Hell is also very fitting in its own right.
There are still unanswered questions but I suppose their have to be. Anything short of a forced "kill everyone" ending is going to leave some loose ends. In the end it was an amazing, shocking, perfect yet disappointing finale. I felt fulfilled and totally empty by the end, and that right there is The Shield.
Wonderful food and wistful window shopping
Kelly and I went to Philly this afternoon to wander South Street and have dinner. I haven't been to South Street in years, and it was kinda weird. A lot has changed, but a lot hasn't, and I felt old and normal and found myself missing my teenage spooky counterculture self. Kelly said the place has lost its appeal to her. I disagreed at the moment, but I guess she's right. The appeal to me is the nostalgia, the desire to still have it appeal. But I am not going to be wearing jewelry and accouterments from Armed and Dangerous or decorating my house with gargoyles and medieval art from Mineralistic. I don't eat the meat from Jim's Steaks, and I won't be getting jewelry or new piercings at Infinite. I love the area for what it was, but I guess there isn't much left there for me now. Growing up and older sucks, and I still don't know how or when it happened.
But, on a happier note, dinner was pretty much completely awesome. We ate at New Harmony on 9th St. in Chinatown. All vegan/kosher Chinese food. If you like Chinese food, regardless of if you give a shit about whether or not its animal free, go there. It was some of the best Chinese food I've ever had. The actual atmosphere/restaurant was nothing special. If you've ever been in any random restaurant in any city anywhere's Chinatown, you have seen the inside. But the food is so damn good you probably won't care.
I had the dinner special, which included won-ton soup and an egg roll, both of which we shared. The soup was perfect, the dumplings in it were delicious, and the egg roll was crisp on the outside, perfectly cooked inside and just plain yummy. We also shared an order of pork dumplings which sadly were the one downside of the meal. Not fully cooked, to the point that one or two were still a bit frozen inside. Yeah, that's bad. But everything else was so good I feel bad even mentioning it.
Main course was General Tsao's chicken for me, garlic pork and vegetables for Kelly. Again, both were fantastic. The fake meats had great taste and the texture was almost perfect. The vegetables were well cooked and still crisp, not mushy in the least, and the sauce on both was just a little spicy and
As an added bonus, prices are extremely reasonable. For two people, with appetizers, plus two take-out entreees for the next day, it was under $50. Damn. Check out their MySpace page, linked above, for the menu. If you go there, let me know. I'll want some more take-out.
Fuck Alaska
Seriously. If this was a relationship, Alaska is the hottie with a terrible personality. Sure, s/he looks good (by that I mean 'has oil'), but everything else about her/him is just ugly and intolerable. And I urge us as a country to look past the exterior and realize we are sticking with a total asshole/bitch for no good reason.
I was ready to look past the fact that they put Sarah Palin in charge of their state, I really was. She lost, she's been banished back from whence she came for the time being at least. But then you had to go into recounts and drag out your election over two weeks to decide who gets the Senate seat, the crotchety 287 year old convicted felon, or...the guy who isn't a crotchety 287 year old convicted felon. Really, Alaska? I am pretty sure most 4th graders would have been able to make the right choice on that one in a matter of seconds, tops. Yet it took your state 15 days and you still almost got it wrong?
Well, that's it then. You can have Ted Stevens and Sarah Palin. Sure, you have oil. We know. But one day, your good fossil fuels will run out, and you won't be able to coast on them anymore. You'll be the empty, withered wretch we already know you are. So we'll sell you off to Russia or Canada while you still have some worth, and use that money to research alternate renewable energy sources. After all, we finally have a president who is in favor of that sort of thing.
So thanks for the memories Alaska. It wasn't all bad times, but the good times are just too few and far between. We'll always remember you. Good luck. Give Russia our regards.
“Some may say this might be…”
The second to last episode of the Shield just aired...wow. If you've never watched the show, you wouldn't understand and probably wouldn't care. But I love the Shield more than any TV show in my adult life. Second most of my entire life, because you just cannot compete with a 5 year old's love of the Transformers. But from the premier of the pilot episode, this show has hooked me like no other show has.
After seven years, to hear Vic finally lay out everything he's done...all the dirty deeds, every crime and misstep and trespass...it was cathartic and incredibly intense and a great reminder that no matter how much you are rooting for him, regardless of what good things he has done, he is not and never will be "the good guy".
So now, one week until the final hour and half series finale. Will Ronnie really get hung out to dry? Will Shane suffer for his sins? Will anyone, for that matter? I don't think there will be happy endings here, for anyone. This has been such an amazing season (and series), and I hate to see it end...but I think it's going to end well. I don't want to predict, because there isn't much point. I'm just going to countdown til next Tuesday.
Puppies
Sometimes you just need a little pure, innocent happiness. That's all. And sometimes the best thing for that is puppies. Why? Because they're fucking PUPPIES!
So...I give you twenty four hours a day, seven days a week...live streaming adorable puppies. Because if that doesn't put at least a little smile on your face, you really may be a lost cause.
Recent Posts
- Leaving Hope
- Because I Can
- Stephen Colbert, Accidental Hacker
- Doing good
- You know who needs to be punched in the face?
- The pains of being a pack rat
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