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Fuck Alaska

Seriously. If this was a relationship, Alaska is the hottie with a terrible personality. Sure, s/he looks good (by that I mean 'has oil'), but everything else about her/him is just ugly and intolerable. And I urge us as a country to look past the exterior and realize we are sticking with a total asshole/bitch for no good reason.

I was ready to look past the fact that they put Sarah Palin in charge of their state, I really was. She lost, she's been banished back from whence she came for the time being at least. But then you had to go into recounts and drag out your election over two weeks to decide who gets the Senate seat, the crotchety 287 year old convicted felon, or...the guy who isn't a crotchety 287 year old convicted felon. Really, Alaska? I am pretty sure most 4th graders would have been able to make the right choice on that one in a matter of seconds, tops. Yet it took your state 15 days and you still almost got it wrong?

Well, that's it then. You can have Ted Stevens and Sarah Palin. Sure, you have oil. We know. But one day, your good fossil fuels will run out, and you won't be able to coast on them anymore. You'll be the empty, withered wretch we already know you are. So we'll sell you off to Russia or Canada while you still have some worth, and use that money to research alternate renewable energy sources. After all, we finally have a president who is in favor of that sort of thing.

So thanks for the memories Alaska. It wasn't all bad times, but the good times are just too few and far between. We'll always remember you. Good luck. Give Russia our regards.